Changing Beliefs
EXCUSE ME. WHERE DO YOU FIT INTO THIS?"
Gavin frowned at Puck, obviously puzzled. "What do you mean by 'fit'?"
Puck was drinking coffee again; it was too early for there to be loud music at the Gen-X, and he was glad for that. He scowled to himself, hoping Gavin wouldn't be able to tell what he was doing. "In grand dramas everything has a place. You, you're just there." He tipped the mug up and quickly finished the coffee off, setting it down and hoping Sid would pass by soon to refill it. She did, then swept off again as quickly as she'd appeared.
"Well," Gavin said, "I'd agree that life is a grand drama, but that doesn't mean all the pieces have to fit. What do you mean, I'm just 'there'?"
"You showed up just as soon as all of this weird stuff started happening. I mean why are you here."
"Oh." Gavin peered down into his cup, and Puck thought it looked like he could see into its depths. "I wouldn't know. Good timing, I guess."
"Or bad timing." Puck stretched and grabbed onto the counter to avoid falling over as a shrill ringing split his ear. The darn thing had been bothering him all morning. Gavin must have noticed his movement, for he put out a hand, and Sid reached over the counter to grab him by the collar and yank him forward. He slammed into the counter-edge, all his breath whooshing out.
"Thanks, Sid," he gasped. "Broken ribs are just what I needed this morning."
Sid snorted. "Well, fine. Last time I help you." She let go, and Puck was so startled by the sudden movement that he fell over, hitting the floor. Sid and Gavin gaped down at him as he grappled with the barstool in an effort to get up.
"God," Sid said.
"Inner-ear infection?" Gavin asked.
"Yeah," Puck wheezed, pulling himself up. "Think I should get a checkup." He left a tip on the counter and left, staggering out of the club.
For a moment Sid and Gavin just sat there, watching him go. Then Gavin spoke up.
"Do you think this is part of the grand scheme of things?" he mused.
Sid shrugged. "I wouldn't know," she said. "I'm just here to run the counter."
He'd taken at least five aspirin before noon but they didn't help any; he looked all over campus for Anders but couldn't find him either. What a wonderful day this is turning out to be, he thought to himself. As he walked along it clouded up and grew cooler, the wind soon whipping through the trees. He growled to himself and rubbed his arms, wishing he'd brought a coat, but of course he hadn't known there'd be another storm. Plus he was rather far away from the dorm or college entrance, as well as shelter. He was starting to wonder if maybe Anders's advice about lightning had been right.
Of course it was, that nagging voice in his head said. You're just too stupid to follow it.
"Shut up," he muttered, and the inner voice fell silent.
He finally found Anders in, of all places, the Hub--the Hub, for God's sake, where he practically lived half his life. He very nearly ran inside and slammed the door behind him, shaking off the cold as best he could; and Anders was standing in the middle of the room, staring up at the planets. Shivering and shaking all over, Puck walked over to the other side of the room and flipped the switch. With a low grinding sound and a creak the model began to turn. This time Anders didn't jump back with surprise, but the look on his face changed slightly.
"Where are they from, do you suppose?" he murmured.
Puck had to think for a moment to figure out what he was talking about. "I don't know. Why, do you all of a sudden believe in them?"
Anders didn't take his eyes from the planets, swaying and twirling and glowing as they passed over his head. "I don't know what to believe in anymore."
"Then why are you asking me?"
"I don't know." He seemed preoccupied; Puck began to worry that the regression had gotten to him somehow. Needless to say, Anders was acting rather weird. "Maybe they come from another planet. Or another dimension, even. Or maybe they just come from your mind." His eyes focused on Pluto's blue sphere and he watched it zoom past. "Somewhere far away. You know, I believe that there's parts of the mind that are farther away than any galaxy."
"Really?"
"Mm-hm." Anders looked straight up through the skylight, gray rain pelting it from the outside. "Places we'll never reach, not in a million light-years."
"You're starting to sound like a philosopher."
Anders looked at Puck out of the corner of his eye with the faintest quirk of a smile. "Does that bother you?"
"It sure the hell does."
This time the smile was definite; then it was replaced by a wince as Anders reached up and rubbed his temples.
"You too?" Puck asked, sitting down on the bench padding along the wall.
"All day. The rain maybe?"
"It was sunny just this morning."
"Yeah, I forgot." Anders stretched--Puck noticed he didn't lose his balance (at least not physically)--and sat down several feet away. "Puck, I just remembered something Sid told me about you at the Gen-X, the day I stormed out of here. You know, when I talked about balloons." And he smiled.
"Sure, yeah. What was it?"
"She said you wake up every morning around a quarter to three and walk around for a while, then go back to bed. She said it's so regular you could time your clock by it."
"Two forty-seven," Puck corrected him.
"So it's true?"
"Heck, yeah. I don't know. Just something I do."
"Do you make yourself wake up, or..."
"No. I just do. Two forty-seven. I wake up and walk around so I can get back to sleep."
"Are you ever tired then?"
"No. I just wake up. Like I haven't been sleeping. Pop, just like that. I'm up." He looked at his watch; "What are you doing here, anyway? Don't you have a class?"
"Not going today. This headache is bothering me."
"You know, we've been getting quite a lot of headaches lately."
"No wonder. Life is a headache."
"You can say that again. Well, now that I know you're not jumping off any buildings or anything, I can go back to my room and cop a snooze."
"Hold on--'jumping off any buildings'? What's that supposed to mean?"
Puck looked down at him from where he'd stood up. "Well, I mean, after what happened yesterday..." He trailed off, at a loss for words. "You know."
"No, I don't know!" Anders jumped up and followed Puck out of the building, having to nearly jog after him to keep up as he paced briskly across the lawn to the dormitory. "Are you saying just because of what happened yesterday I'd actually go out and try to kill myself?"
"I never said that."
"But that's what you mean!"
"Listen, you can infer all you want--"
"I'm not inferring anything!" They'd reached the dorm and just entered the door; now, as they stood in the doorway arguing, several nearby students glanced in their direction. "You're the one doing all the inferring!"
"If you don't mind, I--"
"I DO mind!" Anders nearly screamed, clenching his fists at his sides. Puck looked at him with awe. "You think just because you can't deal with your problems that I--"
"Me!" Puck shouted back. "What do you know about my problems?"
"Obviously more than you, to know enough to take care of them!"
Puck didn't say anything; instead he slammed into Anders's chest with the palms of his hands, knocking him backwards. Everybody else in the room, on the stairs, in the adjoining rooms stopped to stare at the two. Anders quickly regained his balance and knocked Puck down; Puck had more trouble getting up due to his ear, and while he was down Anders tackled him. They grabbed each others [sic] arms in an attempt to both force the other down and keep him away, rolling across the floor and banging into the endtable, knocking a lamp to the floor. Glass shattered around them.
"Hey!" They didn't even stop at the voice of authority. The science instructor, Mr. Demo, appeared out of the side room to see what was going on; when he noticed them fighting on the floor, he went over to intervene.
"Break it up, break it up!" he shouted, pulling on both Anders and Puck to get them away from each other. They broke away of their own accord, glaring at each other. Anders's nose was bleeding again; Puck instantly felt a pang, half-wondering whose fault it was this time.
"Just what the heck's going on here?" Mr. Demo asked, looking from one to the other.
"Nothing," Puck said.
"Nothing," Anders echoed. "He was just teaching me Tae Kwon Do."
Puck gave Anders an amazed look. A fight and a lie in one day! Maybe the regression had done something to his mind after all.
"Yeah," he said, instead. "Tae Kwon Do."
Mr. Demo nodded, not wishing to find out any more. He just gave them a sort of puzzled look. "Yeah. All right. Well, if you have to learn Tae Kwon Do, do it outside, could you? We've kind of got a school policy against martial arts in the lobby."
"Sure," Anders said.
"Sorry about the lamp," Puck added. He only half felt it. [Note--regular Puck wouldn't even give a damn. Regular Puck would've broken it on purpose. Just because.]
"Yeah, well..." Mr. Demo looked down at the shattered remains of the lamp. "I'll get somebody to clean it up. Now you two just go along and do something tame, okay?"
"Sure," both of them said now, turning slowly and leaving the building. The door banged shut behind them, helped by Mr. Demo, they knew. Then they just stood there in the rain, looking like a couple of lost orphans, with their rumpled clothing and Anders's bloody nose.
Puck let out his breath in a great gust. "You should get something for that," he said, nodding at Anders's face.
"It's nothing," Anders lied again, touching his fingers to his nose, drawing them back and looking at the blood like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. "I think, by the next time I get one, I'll be used to it."
Puck had to give a halfhearted smile at that. "Come on," he said. "Let's go to the Gen-X Club. Drinks on me."
"Keep this up and they will be on you. Guaranteed."
Puck laughed and they left the sidewalk for the club.
"So you really got yourself hypnotized," Sid said with awe, as she poured them drinks. She leaned on the counter and nodded off, seemingly into space; Anders and Puck looked over their shoulders to see Damon way over at a table by himself, reading. [Note--hm. I evidently didn't know there was another meaning for "nodded off" back then! Sid is just nodding in Damon's direction, not falling asleep.] "Just wish his brother'd let 'em do it. I feel sorry seeing him the way he is all the time. Creeps around like somebody's out to get him. Hey, either of you had any more weird dreams?"
Anders's mouth quirked again. "You could say so."
"Sid, you missed somebody's cup," Puck said.
"Don't mind me," Gavin replied from his post. "I'm just the new barfly. You're right, Puck. I finally found my place in life. I'm going to sit here and bug Sidras forever."
"Oh, come on," Sid retorted. "And call me Sid." She filled his glass. "So what's hypnosis like, anyway? Do they swing that pendulum in front of your face and tell you you're getting sleepy, or don't they do that anymore?"
"I don't think so. You'd have to ask Al. He's the expert on that. But he just told me to relax and envision myself in a peaceful place."
"Figures! Just when you get used to the popular image of something, they have to go and change it on you. Gimme a break. Well, what else happened? Did you remember anything?"
"Sure," Puck broke in. "He recalled his past life as a microbe on Atlantis."
Sid's eyes widened. "Really?"
The three men at the counter burst into laughter. Sid smirked at them and continued wiping the counter. "Ha ha. I bet I had you going. I'm not really that dense."
"We know, Sid," Puck replied. "We know."
"Did you remember any LGMs?" Gavin asked conversationally.
Anders just looked at him. "God! Am I the only one who's never heard of an LGM?"
"Apparently not," Sid said, also looking confused. "I must admit I haven't. Gee, is it some kind of microbe?" She swept off along the counter.
"I've just read about it a little," Gavin admitted. "But they're usually called EBEs or just Grays."
"What the hell's an EBE?"
"Extraterrestrial biological entity," Puck replied. "But I think that's a corny name. It's like saying ET or ALF or something."
"Hey, what's wrong with Alf?" Sid called out.
"I just prefer Grays," Puck said.
"Is that what everybody calls them?" Anders asked, looking down thoughtfully into his drink. "'Grays'?"
"Yeah, because they've got this gray skin. They're not really green."
"Not usually," Gavin corrected.
"Of course. How thoughtless of me to be an alien-racist. Well, excuse me, but I've got a class coming up in a half hour, and I'd like to be early. Sid, could you put this on my tab?"
"Tab? Whoever said you had a tab?" Sid retorted, but she picked up his glass and carried it away.
"Thanks for being such a sweetie, Sid," Puck replied sweetly, turning around--and grabbing on to the back of his stool so he wouldn't fall over--and finally leaving the club.
"Sid, don't you hate this job?" Gavin inquired.
"Not at all. I can just stand here and watch the world pass me by." She looked distressed. "Gosh, I never really noticed just how depressing that sounds." She sighed and began wiping the counter again; Anders wondered if she'd ever get it clean. "I guess I need to get out."
Anders gave her a half-smile as he finished his drink. "Believe me," he said, "you're not missing anything."
Anders had tacked Owl in Flight up on the ceiling above his bed, and was staring at it when Dino came in. Wondering why his roommate was staring at the ceiling, Dino looked up and noticed the picture. He continued on to his own bed.
"Wildlife exam?" he inquired as he shuffled through his books.
"Sort of," Anders murmured. He shook his head to clear it. "I'm sorry, Dino, what'd you say?"
"Aw, nothing. Just can't find my study sheets, darn it. I can't keep organized."
"I've told you before--"
"I know, I know, everything in its place. But you know how I forget things."
Anders smiled at the owl. "Yeah, I do."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Say, Dino, are you ever awake at night?"
"Huh?"
"When I'm asleep. Do you ever wake up when I'm still sleeping?"
"Well, yeah, if I have to--you know, go to the bathroom or anything. Why?"
"Do I sleep weird to you?"
Dino gave him a funny look, as if he'd gone over the edge. Anders refrained from biting his lip. "I mean, have you ever seen me sleepwalk or talk in my sleep or anything."
"Oh." The look disappeared, replaced by one of thoughtfulness. After a moment Dino shrugged. "Other than that night you fell out of bed, I can't really think of anything. You're a really sound sleeper." He chuckled. "Or at least I am."
Anders pondered the irony of those words as he lay back to stare at the owl again. Dino spoke up again before he could get lost in it.
"Not that I'd remember, though. I mean, I really am a sound sleeper."
"I know. You're dead to the world."
Something struck a chord, and he sat upright.
"Say, Dino," he said again, "have you ever had any weird dreams?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know--like lights or something?"
Dino bit his lip now, squinting his eyes, then shook his head. "Nope. Not that I can think of." He suddenly laughed. "But boy, do I have some weird dreams about you."
"Such as?"
"Well, don't think I'm a pervert or anything, but I had this one dream where you were going out with some friends so you tied me to my bed and left me there. I actually couldn't move. Then you came back and chloroformed me so I passed out! Isn't that a riot?" And he started laughing again.
Anders stared off into space for a while; when Dino didn't add anything to this last statement he again lay back on his bed to look at the owl.
"By the way," he finally said, in a very faint voice, "did you ever think of looking under your pillow?"
"Huh?" Dino asked, just as his hands instinctively picked up his pillow. Underneath it were his study sheets. He glanced up at Anders.
"Hey, Anders, how'd you--"
He cut himself off; Anders had fallen asleep, his face still turned up towards the owl above him.
Puck snorted awake to a tremendous pounding on his dorm room door. He barely had time to glance at his clock as he stumbled out of bed--it was barely past five. Growing angry at being woken up, he found his way to the door in the semidarkness and yanked it open, Anders nearly spilling in. [Note--that should be, "Growing angry with being woken up..." In fact, the word "woken" shouldn't be used at all since it's British regional dialect or something, so I've since learned. There are lots of instances of "awoken" and "woken" in my older writing which I've failed to point out, I realize.]
"What the hell do you want?" he demanded.
"I thought of something," Anders said, regaining his balance and pushing his way into the room, looking around. "Don't you have a roommate?"
"No, and if I did, I wouldn't have one now, with how you're banging on that door. I thought the hall was on fire. What's so important that you have to break down my door?"
Anders whirled around and sat down on the edge of Puck's bed, both in one movement. Puck glared at him in annoyance, but Anders either didn't notice or ignored it. "Do you remember your first experience?" he blurted.
"Huh?" Puck echoed Dino's statement, confusion setting in his features.
"The first time you saw them. The first time they came to get you. When you were around my age."
"Well--yeah--kind of--I don't know! Why?"
"Were you with other people?"
Puck stiffened. "Yeah, I was. How did you--"
"Because I was with someone the other night when--and if--it happened. Dino. He's my roommate. He was there when it happened. He should have seen it, but he didn't."
"Hell, Anders! Everybody around here knows how Dino sleeps."
"Yeah, but he woke up when I fell out of bed! He said I was yelling something, and I hit my head on the dresser; if that's so, how come bright lights and a loud hum wouldn't have woken him up any better?"
"How would I know?!"
"Because he was put out!" Anders exclaimed. "Don't you see? He couldn't wake up--he had no way to! He just told me about this dream he had--he said that in it I tied him to his bed and chloroformed him so he passed out, then I left."
Puck was beginning to frown; Anders sighed. "Not like that."
"So what's this got to do with me?" Puck asked.
"Who were you with when it happened to you?"
"Well--my family."
"What were you all doing?"
"We were waiting for my brother to come home from downstate."
"And what do you remember?"
"Well--I guess I dozed off. I woke up and it was bright, and everybody else was kind of in a daze--" He started to trail off, but the look on Anders's face urged him on. "--And I was really the only one up. I kind of yelled at them and nobody moved." He finally did trail off, and gave Anders a queer look. "Anders, what does this mean?"
"It means they were shut off," Anders said, not knowing exactly how he knew, but just that he did. "So they couldn't interfere with--whatever was going on." He sighed and paced to the other side of the room, picking up Puck's clock and studying the time. "God, it's early." A thought hit him, and he turned back to Puck, who was sitting on his bed now, staring vacantly. "Hey, Puck, you said you were waiting for your brother to come up from downstate. Is it a long drive?"
"Yeah," Puck said, still staring.
"Was he in the army or something?"
A nod. "He was stationed downstate--a long drive. Four hours." [Note--Puck is from Eastlake, Michigan, which I believe is downstate from where this story takes place. I don't know if there is a "four hours downstate" from Eastlake; sorry.]
Anders realized that Puck had grown preoccupied since he'd mentioned his brother; concerned, he set the clock down and looked at him. "Hey, are you all right?"
A nod, barely visible this time. "Anders, I..."
"What?"
"I think I just realized something. Something I didn't see before."
"What's that?"
"My brother...he didn't start driving up till around ten or eleven at night."
"So?"
"So we were still waiting for him in the morning," Puck said. "I was tired so I looked at the clock to see when he'd be back."
"And?"
"And it said, '2:47.'"
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