Shock To The System
MANABOZHO SAT BESIDE the still-rippling hole in the ice, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He stared at the black water for so long that his eyes watered from the cold, yet he didn't even notice how they streamed when he blinked the sting away. He grasped Wabasso's flute in one hand, so tightly that his knuckles were going white, yet he'd forgotten about it long ago as well. The wind moaned high in the trees, yet he didn't even hear it.
He would have been thinking, furiously, except it was as if his thoughts had gone dead, and so not even words or images formed in his mind anymore. He would have been sobbing or screaming in rage, except feelings had fled him as well, and his heart felt like a lead weight in his chest. All he could do was stare numbly at the water, and not even think over why he was here, or what he was doing, or what he planned to do. The wind ruffled the feathers on his head but he didn't notice it.
Eventually, he could not stare anymore without having to blink continuously, which would have annoyed him, if he had had any feelings left. He lowered his head to his knees to shield his eyes from the cold, and for a while stared at the blackness there, until his eyes grew adjusted to the lack of light and he could see that one of his necklaces had fallen loose of his clothing and now rested against his chest. The rabbit fetish carved of shell. He stared at it in silence until its image was tattooed upon his retinas, and it took him a very long time to realize that he was in fact looking at the wrong side of it. It should have been brown with a black eye. The reverse was white with red.
Manabozho blinked. He took in a breath.
An instant later he was on his feet, letting out a scream that shook the snow from the trees and made the ice tremble and crack with the sound of it. He dropped Wabasso's flute, and picked up the nearest large item--a branch fallen from the weight of the snow--and lifted it over his head. Any normal person--even himself--would have had to drag it behind them at any other time, it was so large--yet he easily raised it and then brought it sailing down, the thick blunt end of it smashing against the ice and shattering it into pieces. He did this again, and again, and again, until chunks of white floated in a mini-sea of black, bobbing and sinking and popping up again with each blow, breaking into smaller fragments each time.
Manabozho continued screaming inarticulately as he pulverized the ice, dashing around the edge of the pool, smashing the branch at the frozen waterfall itself. A great hunk of ice broke loose and a gush of water followed it, splashing him, but he didn't care or notice. As soon as there was no solid ice left to destroy he started striking the snow itself, laying waste to the ground around the water.
"STUPID! STUPID FOOL!" he screamed as he went. "YOU SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED BEHIND! YOU SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED AWAY! YOU NEVER SHOULD'VE COME HERE! I TOLD YOU I NEVER WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN! WHY DID YOU NEVER--LISTEN--TO ME?"
Hitting soft snow was barely worthwhile, and so he now turned his attention to the trees themselves. "YOU NEVER HAD TO COME BACK!" he shrieked, striking the trunk of the largest tree within reach; he struck a second one, and a moment later shadowy shapes began drifting away through the woods, the manitous glancing back at him with flaring ears as they vacated their homes in search of safety. "I NEVER NEEDED YOU! I WAS JUST FINE WITHOUT YOU! I DID PERFECTLY FINE ON MY OWN! I NEVER NEEDED ANY OF YOU!! NOT FATHER, NOT MOTHER, NOT MUDJI, NOT PUKA, NOT YOU!!"
He started swinging the branch in circles now, spinning about madly and not even caring what he hit anymore. He glared up at the sky itself as if it were somehow at fault, and bared his teeth, his eyes flashing brilliant blue. "I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE BUT MYSELF!" he screamed. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME BACK AND RUIN EVERYTHING?"
With this he flung his hand out, and the branch sailed out of his grip, plunging through the woods. Manabozho clenched his fists so tightly that his hands bled and threw back his head to scream at the sky, the rest of the manitous still remaining in the woods slinking away so he was at last on his own. He didn't notice them depart, just turned in circles and continued screaming at nothing until his throat went hoarse. Then he started kicking at the snow, driving it into messy piles and gouging up the earth underneath. Mud and water and his own blood splashed his clothing but he didn't care. He kept at this until his foot slipped out from underneath him and he collapsed, landing hard on his knee at the water's edge, and his scream cut off when he noticed a face looking up at him. His eyes widened when he saw the two feathers standing upright upon its head--Wabasso?--but then he blinked, and realized that he was staring at his own face. His sight began to blur, and his breath began hitching; a second later he cried out and slammed his hands against his reflection, splashing the water all over his arms and in his face.
"Why did you do it?" he wailed. "It should've been ME! I'M the one! I'M the one who's supposed to protect everyone! It should've been ME!"
He fell forward, hands still in the icy water and his face almost pressed to the snow, and started crying, awful sounds escaping him as his shoulders shook. The water slowly stopped sloshing and pitching, the little hunks of ice bobbing atop it, and the blue glow died from Manabozho's eyes. His fingers curled into fists, his hands bleeding and sore, but he didn't notice either of these, just drew his arms in toward himself, curling up as small as he could.
"I always followed you," he wept. "I was always one step behind you. But I'm grown now. It was my turn to be one step ahead. Why did you go?" His voice broke. "What am I supposed to do now?"
Nothing answered him--not the water, not the snow, not the trees or the ice, and he curled in on himself even tighter, clutching at the rabbit necklace as if to break it into pieces. His heart felt as if it were squeezing in on itself as well, harder and tighter, until it might turn into a piece of coal, or a small hard stone, before cracking apart. He ground his teeth and squinched his eyes shut but didn't bother fighting it. If his heart could turn into stone, so much the better. He wouldn't have to fall for anything like this again, if it happened.
Just as he was ready to give up, something sparked, and his eyes flew open. He couldn't even place what it had been--a thought, a voice, a cry--but as he pondered over it, he thought it might have been all three. He knelt staring at nothing with wide eyes, gasping for breath, trying to figure out what had just reached out to him. There was nobody left here--what could it have been?
manabozho
He blinked, and saw his own tears melting the snow. He lifted his head shakily and stared without seeing at the mess that he had made of the pool of water. His fingers clutched at the rabbit necklace, at his breast, and even though he had no real way of knowing, he thought for certain that it must have been...
...Charmian...?
He turned to look off through the woods, but saw nothing except trees and snow. After a moment of staring, he began to shiver, as he gradually realized how cold it truly was; but he didn't stop to think about it. He was on his feet before the chill could fully set in, and off and running toward the lake.
In the grove on the far side of the Island, a loud whistle suddenly blared through the gathering, and everyone huddling in small shivering groups beneath the trees gasped and jerked their heads up, glancing around. Singing Cedars's own head popped up out of a doze and he did the same, eyes wide and muscles tensed. The deerlike creatures--manitous--were pacing and circling, and started whistling as well; when he turned his head to the side he noticed the biggest of them, the large brown one which had brought him here, tossing his head and thrashing it about, his wide antlers just missing the trees. He whistled so loudly that everyone winced and covered their ears; then he collapsed to the ground, legs kicking and head still tossing. His eyes rolled wildly and he gasped for breath between panicked whistles.
Singing Cedars clambered to his feet and stumbled toward him, glancing him over; he didn't seem to be injured, though if he kept this up, he soon would be. Stick-In-The-Dirt, White Deer, and Silver Eagle Feather all made their way to him as well, brows furrowing as they sought some reason for his unexplained fit. Mani whistled and gasped and flailed at the snow so hard that they had to keep their distance, though it was obvious that he was weakening.
"What's wrong with him?" Singing Cedars cried.
"His and Charmian's spirits are connected!" Stick-In-The-Dirt had to shout over the noise. "So if something is happening to him, then--"
Singing Cedars drew in a breath, eyes growing wide. Without waiting to hear the medicine man finish, he turned and dashed away into the woods, heading eastward again. The other three gawked as he disappeared from sight, but a fresh blast of whistles from the stricken manitou drew their attention back, and a moment later they had forgotten that he had even been there.
A blast of bubbles flew out of Charmian's mouth, and her eyes flew open. Darkness and iciness surrounded her on all sides, and she frantically began to paddle, not even knowing which way was up or down anymore. She kicked out at nothing, felt water filling her already soaking clothes, and started moving, dimly catching sight of the tiny circle of pale gray far above. She tried fixing on it, but her vision was fading again, and her arms and legs felt like lead.
...have to reach it...!
She clenched her teeth and paddled even more furiously, the memory of the smile on Chakenapok's face--and of what he had just shown her--spurring her on out of pure panic. The little circle of light grew closer, then closer, as she made her way agonizingly slowly toward the surface. Vague shadows began to flicker over the water and her eyes begged to close, and her lungs begged to fill with water, just to stop the burning, but she chewed on the inside of her mouth and continued jerking her arms and legs, all of her motions pure instinct now. The circle of light grew so wide that it looked as if she could have fit through it, but by now she didn't even remember what it was, or why she was even trying so hard. Her eyes slowly drifted shut and she opened her mouth, the last bit of air bubbling out as water rushed down her throat. Her arms stopped moving and drifted up over her head as the circle of light went hazy and began to darken.
As her eyes shut, oddly enough, she did think of one word, though she no longer even knew what it meant.
manabozho
Her muscles went loose and she began to sink back toward the bottom, wherever that was.
She didn't hear the splash and roar of the water above her, as one of the vague shadows leaned forward and reached down, the others following suit. She didn't notice the hands plunging down through the hole in the ice, nor did she even feel them when they grabbed hold of her, grasping at her arms and dragging her back up, away from the dark. Her head rolled loose as she was pulled up toward the circle of light, and then the water was splashing over and off of her, and suddenly she could hear again, the even colder chill of the open air shocking her awake and making her try to gasp so that she sputtered, coughing up a gout of ice water. She blinked wildly and hacked for air as she was pulled up onto the snow and dragged from the water's edge, her senses so dulled and everything happening so fast that she had no comprehension of anything that was going on, except for the fact that she could breathe again, and once she realized this, she started coughing hoarsely and sucking in great gasping breaths which made her cough even more, her lungs felt so raw. She felt the snow beneath her, and then she was lifted into a sitting position, a seeming multitude of hands brushing the water from her soaking clothes. The cold struck her again and she started shaking and chattering, her eyes goggling and her hair sticking in her face. Somebody brushed it back from her eyes and then she found herself looking into their face, though she had no clue who they were, nor where she was, nor what had even happened.
"Charmian?" the face said, and its voice was odd, hollow and faraway. "Can you hear me?"
Charmian just stared stupidly at the person, trembling and gasping. She clutched at her arms; something went over her shoulders, and then she noticed two other people wrapping something around her. They all looked familiar, but where had she seen them before...?
"Charmian?" the second one asked, its voice just slightly closer, less faraway than the first.
"Charmian!" the third one echoed, and it sounded even closer than the second. Charmian's brain began to thaw out, and she glanced from one to the next, barely able to even control her own muscles, she was shaking so badly. She stared at them all like some sort of trapped animal, foggily trying to remember what was going on.
"M...M...M-Manitou Is...Island-d..." she finally managed, her voice hoarse and cracking.
Relief passed over the faces staring at her and they nodded. Bits of memory finally began shifting like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, slowly attaching themselves to each other, forming bigger parts, then sections, and the faces started to make some sort of sense. "J-J-Justin-n," she stammered, and he nodded at her; she turned to look at the person in front of her, and stuttered, "Th-Th-Thomas-s"; when he nodded as well she glanced at the third, and forced her tongue to drag over the name that drifted into her foggy mind. "M-M-Moon W-Wolf..."
That seemed to satisfy them, and the next thing she knew she was being lifted to her feet. Moon Wolf stayed just within her line of sight as the other two turned her about, and she spotted a large gray horse standing nearby, under the trees; when it looked at her she blinked, and saw the blue light in its eyes, and gasped. She whirled around, startling Thomas and Justin and nearly falling over, her legs still rubbery; she saw the small icy pond resting behind them at the bottom of the slope, and then her memory returned in force.
She started chattering anew, her teeth clacking like castanets. "Careful," Justin coaxed, and they backed her toward Cloud; when she felt the horse's warmth behind her she couldn't stop shaking hard. "We have to get her back to the house," Justin said to Thomas. "Get her changed, dry her off, and warm her up. We don't even know how long she was down in there."
Charmian's fingers clutched at the coat surrounding her and she dimly noticed that Justin was wearing only a shirt. It didn't occur to her to wonder why that was. "S-s-sorry Th-Th-Thomas-s," she stammered instead; he glanced at her, and she saw how pale his own face and how wide his own eyes were, but rather than rebuke her he stepped forward and put his hand to her cheek, touching his forehead to hers.
"It's all right," he murmured in a strained voice, and she thought she saw tears in his eyes.
"Here," Justin said, and grasped hold of her by the waist, lifting her up; she chattered even harder, not even knowing what he was doing, until she felt something big beneath her and clutched at the long coarse hairs of Cloud's mane. The horse snorted, peering back at her; Thomas took the reins while Justin went to fetch his own horse, Moon Wolf following. Before he disappeared behind her, she thought she saw that his eyes were wet too, and this thought at last made her take pause.
Thomas jogged around in front, whistling and guiding Cloud forward. They turned in what she began to recall was the direction of the Dupries house, and she glanced around the woods, huddling inside Justin's coat, trying to whip her sluggish brain into recalling what was going on before the cold could make her forget it all again. She'd gone to Croghan Water--that she remembered--and Cloud had shown her the sea caves--and she'd jumped in, and spoken with the Shadow Wolf--and had picked up the skeleton--and had gone back on her way, and had seen Chakenapok--and--
She gasped, clutching the coat tighter, her knuckles white and tears springing to her eyes; Thomas glanced back at her, looked as if he wanted to stop, but a sharp call from Justin made him turn back and speed up. Charmian nearly pitched to the side but something stopped her and pushed her back up. She turned her head, saw Moon Wolf keeping pace with Cloud; she hadn't even known he was there. She rubbed her arms and tried not to chatter so loudly.
"You could have drowned," Moon Wolf said quietly, and she had to clench her teeth to keep them from clacking.
"It w-wasn't wh-what I int-tended..."
Dull thudding noises started approaching from the woods. Everyone halted and glanced quickly to the right; Charmian saw a dark look cross Justin's face and he pulled his gun down from his shoulder. She turned her head, and saw that even Moon Wolf looked ready to attack, when she thought to look up in the same direction that they were looking in. She blinked a few times, confused.
She recognized the person approaching at a jog, though she still had to sift through the few cobwebs remaining in her head to bring up his name. Singing Cedars--? He slowed himself as he drew closer, and she saw the way that he looked up at her, his eyes as wide as the others' had been a moment ago. He completely ignored the menacing looks the other three gave him, staring at her for a moment as he tried to catch his breath; another moment later he was taking off his own deerskin jacket and tossing it over her shoulders. The others stared at him, Charmian not least of all, surprised by the odd gesture; as soon as she reflexively clutched at it, he stepped back, and Thomas tugged on Cloud's reins to lead him forward again. Charmian watched as the Iroquois was left behind, staring after them and rubbing at his arms, until he started jogging slowly after them, keeping his distance. Thomas and Moon Wolf kept glancing at him but neither of them tried to stop him.
When they reached the Dupries house, Little Dove, Lady Dupries, and Page were already waiting in the doorway, and the two women crowded on both sides of Charmian as she was brought into the house. She was bustled into the parlor before she could even say a word, the others--except for Moon Wolf and Singing Cedars, who remained outside--filing into the dining hall and out of sight. Which was just as well, for as soon as they were gone the other two started pulling at Charmian's clothes and she flushed terribly when they wrapped a heavy blanket around her and took her clothing away. Her chattering started anew when she was placed in front of the fire and a hot cup placed in her hands; the women disappeared then, and Thomas and Justin peered in from the dining hall while Moon Wolf looked in the door. Charmian craned her neck and could see Singing Cedars still on the porch, and he peered in the window but did nothing else. Thomas crossed the room to kneel down beside her.
"You're sure you're all right?" he murmured, Justin passing behind her and touching his fingers to the bruise under her eye. She ignored him as she nodded.
"Yeah...I'm fine. Now. I guess." She winced a little and rubbed at her face when Justin pulled his hand away, and tensed her muscles a bit underneath the blanket, feeling her strength returning. "I'm sorry I didn't stay where I said I would," she said meekly.
Thomas sighed; she was relieved to see relief on his own face. "I'm just glad you're all right. I thought..." He trailed off, then lowered his eyes with a frown. "I don't even know what I thought. That's how worried I was. When Cloud led us to Croghan Water, all I saw was that little hole, and all I kept thinking was..."
"What were you even doing?" Justin demanded; she glanced up at the tone of his voice and shrank a little, seeing the look that he gave her. "Jumping in a frozen pond at a time like this? I know you are not stupid, but sometimes...!" He put up his hands and made a frustrated face, as if he wanted to wring her neck.
Charmian shrank into the blanket even further. "I didn't mean to worry anybody...honest. I just...had to go down there."
"Why?" Thomas asked, brow furrowing.
She heard soft footfalls on the thick rug and Moon Wolf appeared just beside Justin. "You found something there?" he asked.
"Sort of." Charmian dropped her head. "It's kind of hard to explain..."
"You would mind trying?" Justin snapped. "To explain why you jumped in a pond covered with ice?"
Charmian flinched. "It was nothing like that! Remember that dream I kept having?" she said to Thomas; he nodded. "That voice that kept talking to me--I heard it again, back in the Fairy Realm. It--she--let me know where to go to find her. I went to Croghan Water. That's where the Shadow Wolves live." Everyone's eyes widened and she hastened to add, "The good Shadow Wolves. I talked with one. The leader."
"What would they possibly have to say?" Thomas asked, sounding confused.
"They're still watching over the Island but Chakenapok's gotten so strong that they can't do much about him. He's taken over too many of them. Ogim--the leader showed me Chakenapok's resting place." She looked around, then pointed out her backpack; Thomas fetched it and she pulled it open, digging around and pulling out the skin for her dreamcatcher. For a moment she'd worried that the proof wouldn't even still be there, but as soon as she opened it up, revealing its contents to a collective gasp, she knew it was every bit as real as it had seemed.
"She told me to take his bones," she murmured, Thomas first taking the skull, turning it about, and handing it on to Justin and then Moon Wolf, who felt the hole in the back of it. "As soon as this is all over I have to bury him properly, or he'll never rest."
"As soon as this is over," Justin said. "What does that mean?"
"Well..." Charmian grimaced slightly. "I have to go to the Spirit Road again..."
"Again--?" Thomas cut in, gawking; she'd known he would say that, somehow.
"It's the only way to defeat Chakenapok," she said, a little defensively. "After what happened to Wabasso..."
"You nearly ended up like Wabasso," Moon Wolf said. "Was this knowledge truly worth it?"
"How did that even happen, anyway?" Thomas interrupted him. "After everything else you've been through, I would've figured you for an excellent swimmer! So how is it you almost died out in that pond?"
Charmian's mouth opened, then she closed it. "I..." She fiddled her fingers inside the blanket and flushed a little. "I saw Chakenapok," she murmured at last, and their eyes widened again.
"You saw him--?" Thomas exclaimed.
"In the pond?" Moon Wolf added, looking perplexed.
Charmian gave a small sigh. "I kind of...talked to him. It's just like he was right there. Or like I was right with him. It was warm, and fiery, and we talked. He basically told me I was wasting my time."
"Did he try to take your spirit stone?" Thomas asked.
Charmian shook her head. "No...not really..."
"And so what was it that nearly made you drown--?"
Charmian flinched, abruptly wishing that she'd just lied. The other three stared at her for what seemed like forever, yet she couldn't bring herself to answer; she sank slowly into the blanket until barely the top of her head and her fingers showed. She hated the confused look Thomas gave her, but the thought of the look that he would give her if she did tell him made her keep silent.
Justin was the one to seem to sense her discomfort; after a moment he turned and started walking toward the entrance to the dining hall, tugging Thomas's sleeve as he went. Thomas glanced up at him, then back down at Charmian, brow furrowing; yet he too got to his feet, turning and reluctantly following. He did cast her one last look before they disappeared from sight, though all that Charmian could do in return was let out her breath.
Moon Wolf's voice, when it came, then startled her so much that she gasped--she'd forgotten he was even there. "Something happened down there," he said, so quietly that she knew the others couldn't hear; she turned her head to look at him, and it was as if his eyes bore right through her so she squirmed. "Under the water, when you spoke with Chakenapok," he added. "What did he do? Did he try to hurt you?"
Charmian hastily shook her head. "No--he didn't even touch me! I swear!"
"Then what was it that he did?" Moon Wolf asked with a frown. When she refused to answer he said, "I have seen you when you are afraid, and I have seen you when you are terrified. The latter does not happen very often, but this is the way you look now. Something happened down there, when you spoke with him. Whatever it was, it will just tear at you until you resolve it. Pretending it did not happen will not make it go away."
Charmian chewed on her lip. "He didn't hurt me," she said in a small voice, staring at the blanket.
Moon Wolf's voice was barely more than a whisper. "So then what did he do?"
Charmian started picking at a piece of nap, her fingers working quickly. "He...showed me something."
Moon Wolf tilted his head, puzzled. "What?"
"It had to do with that dream I keep having." She didn't meet his eyes. "I told Thomas so I wouldn't forget it again, because Chakenapok kept stealing my dream. I saw a big lake and a Shadow Wolf and it talked to me. It was just like Croghan Water. Except..." She hunched her shoulders so the blanket nearly engulfed her. "I didn't tell Thomas the truth. I told him that when I looked in the water in my dream...I couldn't remember what I saw. But I do remember. I saw my reflection." She lifted her head at last to look at him, her eyes wet. "Only it wasn't my reflection. It was, but it wasn't me."
He merely looked at her.
"The last time I was here," Charmian explained. "Every time I looked at my reflection, it looked just like Red Bird. Nathalit explained it to me. She said it was because Red Bird and I were alike. Opposites, but alike. Red Bird was afraid of being strong, and I was afraid of being weak. It was only when we became like each other that we could help the Island. We were reflections of each other. But it wasn't Red Bird I saw in the water this time."
Moon Wolf frowned. "Then who was it...?"
Charmian averted her eyes again, biting her lip. "It..." She had to struggle to find her voice just to speak. "It was Ocryana." She shut her eyes at the look that he got on his face and turned toward the fire, sniffling. "I figured it was just some kind of--trick or something--but the Shadow Wolf ogimah doesn't have any reason to do that--and after what Chakenapok did..."
"What?" He moved forward so that he was slightly in front of her, blocking her view of the fire. "What did he do? What did he show you? Was it your reflection again--?"
Charmian shook her head. "No." She paused. "He showed me where he really is."
His frown grew. "Cave of the Woods...?"
She shook her head again, her face pinching. "He's not in Cave of the Woods anymore," she murmured. "But he's close. Very close."
Understanding began to dawn on Moon Wolf's face. "Crack-in-the-Island...?" he whispered, and she nodded mutely. "But...how do you know this? Did he tell you so? Did it look familiar...?"
Charmian shook her head and wiped at her eyes. "He showed me," she said.
"He showed you Crack-in-the-Island?"
She shook her head once more. When she lifted it, her eyes were streaming and red, and her lip quivered.
"He showed me Ocryana."
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