Spirits Crossing
CHARMIAN'S BROW FURROWED, her eyes shut, and she grimaced as a dull throbbing pain filled her head. She lifted one hand to press it to her skull and tried futilely to will the pain away.
"Ow..." She rolled over and pushed herself up onto her knees, still making a face, and shook her head dizzily. "What'd I do, run into the wall...?" She lifted her head and at last blinked open her eyes, which felt sandy and gritty; she rubbed at them as well. "Thomas? Are you okay--?"
She lowered her hand and blinked, clearing her vision, and then stared in awkward silence at the scene that lay ahead of her.
Instead of a cave wall, a grassy knoll stretched ahead of her, leading down into a tree-lined glade. Her eyes shifted from left to right. Woods were far off to the left; the right led down into a small tree-enclosed valley with a stream running through it. She couldn't see all the way over the little hill ahead of her, but it looked as if a vague trail had been worn into it from where she now knelt.
Charmian stared at this peaceful scene for a moment or two, the breeze blowing warm and the sunlight shining down on her, before tentatively turning to look over her shoulder.
No cave. No Thomas. Just the continuation of the little hill she knelt near, the path rising behind her and leading off toward yet more trees, a thick mix of deciduous and evergreens. Birds sang all around her and she could hear squirrels buzzing in the distance.
"Thomas?" Charmian said stupidly, uncertain what else to do. She stayed where she was until she was certain--at least, as certain as she could be--that nothing was going to jump out and attack her, and then slowly got to her feet. She looked uneasily from side to side, but aside from the singing of birds and chirping of squirrels, there was no other sign of life.
She rubbed her arms although she still wore her heavy winter clothing, which was even beginning to feel uncomfortable in the heat. She turned in a small circle, searching in vain for anything familiar, yet didn't see anything. If she went walking off the little trail she now stood upon, she wasn't sure if she'd ever find her way back, and that thought frightened her.
"Thomas?" she called, a little louder; then, "THOMAS!"
She caught her breath and bit her lip. Her voice didn't even echo down into the valley and through the trees...and that really frightened her.
My voice isn't echoing! General Science tells me that CAN'T be good!!
She let out a little whimper and started turning in circles again, clutching at the little pinecone in her pocket as if it might show her where to go, though it didn't move. The scenery would have been relaxing and even welcoming any other time--if she wasn't certain that she should be in the middle of a freezing cold cave right now!
A rustling noise in the grass made her whirl around, flinging up one hand as if to blast whatever might be there. She blinked when she saw nothing at first...then, to her surprise, a small furry shape slunk out of the grass and passed across the trail before her. It cast her a glance as it went, before disappearing on the other side. Charmian stared at the white tip of the cat's tail as it vanished, as if it had never even been there.
Her brow furrowed. "Patches...?" she murmured, confused; she took a step forward as if to follow, then halted. She blinked. She couldn't have seen what she thought she'd just seen.
That cat...that looked just like my cat Patches! But...he's been dead for years!
An eerie feeling began to settle over her, and she suddenly didn't want to be anywhere near where the cat had gone. Shivering again, she took a step back to her original position, and glanced from the woods toward the valley, trying to decide which way to go. Patches...or whatever that had been...had gone right...but he'd come from the left. Which way was safest--or at least, less freaky?
Charmian's fingers fiddled madly and she bit her lip hard enough to hurt, shifting from foot to foot. She turned to look toward where Thomas and the tunnel should have been, and pondered simply heading that way--maybe she would run through whatever she must have...run through...to fall out here. She felt like tearing at her hair. How had she even gotten here--?
"You look a little bit lost, Charmian."
Charmian gasped and jumped a full two feet into the air, whirling around at the same time. She landed with her hand clutching at her chest as if her heart were threatening to tear its way out, and it felt like every hair on her head was standing on end. She found herself staring at an unfamiliar native man who stood in the trail now ahead of her, various necklaces hanging over his breast and feathers adorning his head. He smiled at her in a friendly way, though she was quaking far too hard to take much comfort in that fact.
"H-how do you kn-know my n-name?" she stammered.
The strange man's smile faded a little and he tilted his head to the side in puzzlement. When he saw that her confusion was genuine his mouth twitched. "What, has it really been so long that you don't recognize me anymore?" he asked, his voice amused.
Charmian's shaking began to die down--and to her even greater confusion, she found her fear dying as well, as every sense told her she didn't have to be afraid of this person. But that didn't make any sense. She fought to understand this strange reaction as her brow furrowed and she stared at him in return.
"You know me?" she asked, perplexed.
His smile grew and he crossed his arms. "I should hope I do, by now. Though you come and go so much that you make it a little hard to get to know you."
Charmian blinked, then her eyes wandered down to look at his pendants and decorations. She spotted a turtle fetish there, carved from greenish-yellow stone, and a little cowrie shell just like the one she now had, as well as a turtle tattooed upon his chest; when she looked up at his face again, his eyes began to seem familiar, as well as the way he wore the feathers on his head, though...she couldn't be recognizing what she thought she recognized...
Her brow furrowed again and she spoke, her voice hesitant, uncertain. "Yellow Turtle...?"
His smile didn't waver. In fact, now that she was really looking at him, she knew she'd seen those eyes and that mouth before, only they had been surrounded by creases, and his hair had been almost white, and he'd been much thinner and frailer...but his eyes and his smile hadn't changed any. Charmian sucked in a shaky breath and felt her eyes begin to sting, her vision of him blurring. "It is you...?" she managed to get out, before she couldn't see him clearly anymore. She quickly swept one hand across her eyes to wipe the tears away, and before she knew it she was running straight at him. She flung her arms around him before he could disappear like the cat had, but he felt as real as anything, and she squinched her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face.
He feels warm! He's really here!
"It's really you," she choked out, chest hitching. She felt his hand on her arm and pulled herself away, rubbing at her eyes and sniffling loudly; she blinked up at him through her tears, and he gave her the sort of sympathetic smile that a grandfather might give, and she nearly broke down crying again.
"But...I don't...I don't get it," she said, still scrubbing at her eyes and feeling a little foolish. "You look so much different."
Yellow Turtle seemed amused by her confusion. "Everyone appears as they once were, here," he said, gesturing at the land around him.
Charmian sniffed. "Then--that cat--that was--"
He nodded. "Your friend...the one you called 'Patches'? He remembers you, too. He is the one who said you were here."
Charmian gawked. "He talked to you--?" she cried.
Yellow Turtle's amusement just grew. "No, he did not 'talk'...though I understood him just fine."
"Then--that means that I'm..." She lifted her head to look at the sunny scenery around them, eyes wide with awe. "This is...this is the Spirit Land...?"
She had to pause to take this in, her awe growing. "The very edge of it," Yellow Turtle said after a moment, and she lowered her head to look at him again. "The cave upon the eastern shore," he explained. "This is a gateway to the very edge of the Spirit Land, where the barrier between the living and the dead is very thin. The cave allowed you to come here, and see this place. Where you are now standing is a sort of 'borderland.'"
Charmian's eyes grew. "Borderland--?" she blurted out, then furrowed her brow and looked at the ground. "You mean--like Crack-in-the-Island--? Those Borderlands--?"
Yellow Turtle tilted his head. "They are much alike, yes. Except Crack-in-the-Island leads to the border between dream and reality, and the cave leads to the border between life and the afterlife. But dreams and death are much like one another." He gestured at the land around them again. "When one is dying, one often dreams, and when one dreams, one often comes close to death. The border between both is not that great at all."
Charmian stared at the peaceful scenery around her, mouth open and eyes wide. She turned in a circle to take it all in, feeling almost giddy at being able to see such a place for herself. This wasn't anything like she'd pictured Heaven--or whatever--to be, but it was a lot better. She started to smile in wonder at what else might be around, when she finished her circle to face Yellow Turtle again, and her smile faded. She shrank in on herself a bit, growing uneasy again.
"Then--does that mean I'm--" She hesitated, not wanting to say the word lest it prove to be true, but he did not finish her question so she had to finish it herself. "...Dead?"
Yellow Turtle shook his head, and she let out a great sigh of relief. "No, you are not dead," he said in the same amused voice as before. "Though you did come close, when you struck the wall."
She blinked. "Wall--?"
He nodded, and held up his hand to gesture behind her. Charmian stared at him for a moment before slowly turning back around. She paused when she saw something hazy blocking her previous view of the path, and as she watched it grew more opaque until she saw the interior of the little cave, the way it would look through the wall she had been facing before. Her brow furrowed when she saw Thomas kneeling on the stone floor, a worried look on his face. Her gaze drifted down to see that he was leaning over...her. Charmian sucked in a breath when she saw her own body lying on the ground, her eyes closed and her face pale; Thomas was shaking her shoulder and speaking, but she couldn't hear a word he said.
She stared at this strange scene in silence for a moment or two before she managed to find her voice. "That's...that's me," she whispered. "I'm--I'm still over there--?" She whirled back to Yellow Turtle. "But--I can't stay here then! I can't be in both places at once!"
Yellow Turtle gave a nod. "If you stay too long as you are, you risk losing your spirit here. You were not prepared when you came through, and you could not enter the Spirit Land bodily this way anyway."
"But I don't get how I even got here at all. Even if this is a portal--I didn't see anything, when I was in there..." She peered back at the vision of the cave and shivered in unease. "And now you're saying I almost died? What happened to me? All I did was hit my hand against the wall..."
As she said this, Yellow Turtle raised his own hand, and she found herself following suit. She turned it toward her and blinked in confusion at the fine pattern which had formed over her palm and the heel of her right hand. She tried rubbing it off, only to realize with some distress that it seemed to be etched into her skin permanently. She started whimpering and scratching at it when Yellow Turtle reached out and carefully grasped her wrist, making her stop. He held her own hand up in front of her eyes.
"Take another look at it," he coaxed. "Does it not look familiar? You've seen this before, more than once."
Charmian made herself look harder at the crisscross pattern etched over her hand, and then it did begin to look familiar. Her unease faded, but her confusion grew.
"A...spiderweb," she murmured, and tilted her hand to see it better. "How did that get there...?" Her head popped up and she gasped. "The Weavers! They gave me that web--and something stuck on my hand--" She rubbed at it again. "It's like it--burned itself into my hand!" She looked up at him. "Geezhigo-Quae said it--that Weaver medicine is what works in the Fairy Arch, and the Sky Tree, and my dreamcatcher--everything that takes you from one place to another. Is that what happened? That web they gave me--it brought me here?"
Yellow Turtle nodded again. "Your spirit, at least, since your body cannot pass through the cave." His mouth twitched, and then he smiled. "You do not know how to travel from the living to the Spirit Land yet, so you ended up here rather on accident. It's a good thing your 'Patches' knew where to find you, or you might have gotten lost."
Charmian blushed. "I wasn't intending to pop through like that...I didn't even know it worked that way." She lifted her head and blinked. "That's right. That's why I came here--I was trying to reach Chakenapok."
Yellow Turtle frowned slightly and tipped his head to the side. "'Chakenapok'?"
Charmian's face fell. "You mean, you've never heard of him...?" When Yellow Turtle shook his head she sighed. "I thought you might know, since this should be where he's coming from...somebody's been sending me dreams--two somebodies--and one of them is this guy named Chakenapok--but he's dead. I know it doesn't seem to make sense," she said at his odd look, "but it does, kind of...anyway he's trying to get his revenge by attacking the Island, and since he's dead, I thought I could get to him through here. Whenever I try to reach him through dreams he gets the better of me somehow. I thought if I got to him face to face maybe it would make a difference."
"You realize the danger in dealing with a departed spirit of this sort?" Yellow Turtle prompted. "It sounds as if he has not reached peace yet. Such spirits can be quite difficult."
"I kind of figured, but if I don't find a way through to him, he could end up destroying the whole Island. He's been looking for me--he stole one of my dreams so I wouldn't remember it." Yellow Turtle's brow began to furrow and she nodded. "Silver Eagle Feather told me--the same thing happened to you? She said that you lost a dream of yours, not long before you--before you died."
Yellow Turtle nodded slowly, looking perplexed. "Yes, this happened...more than once. I did not tell her as such--but I rather had the feeling that someone was trying to tell me something, only I could not hear them properly. All I can remember is something dark, like a lake, and something out beyond it, speaking to me. This is all."
"Was there any sort of impression you got from it--? Friendly, or not friendly?"
"I could not sense this much to say. I do believe that whatever it was, it was quite powerful, like a manitou. But there was something even more powerful keeping me from hearing it. I did not know what this was, but it did not communicate with me. This is the one who you believe stole your dream, from in the Spirit Land?"
Charmian nodded. "I think he didn't talk to you because he wasn't interested. He's mainly interested in Manabozho--but I think I got on his bad side." She winced. "He keeps trying to steal my spirit stone. But something stopped him the last time--I don't even know what." She glanced around them. "So you mean, you can't sense something like that anywhere around here? Since he's dead, I really thought this was where he would be..."
Yellow Turtle shook his head again. "I'm afraid I sense nothing like this...no sort of creature as dark spirited as you say. Such a thing would stand out here. Of course though, I do not think he would come to this part of the Spirit Land, if he's as you say."
Charmian's brow furrowed. "Huh--? What do you mean?"
Yellow Turtle gestured at the greenery around them. "The Spirit Land is what you will reach if you make it down the Spirit Road, and your spirit is good. There are many who do not make it down the Spirit Road. Some of them have good spirits, but they still cannot make the journey. But those with dark spirits cannot finish this walk. They do not come to this place. Their spirits alone are enough to keep them from entering."
Charmian's confusion grew. "Then...where do they go--? I just figured that, since he's dead..."
"Mostly, dark spirits remain trapped between this land and the land of the living," Yellow Turtle explained. "You've seen the 'lost spirits' near Arch Rock, haven't you...?" When she nodded he went on. "Similar to this. He may have reached the Spirit Road, but I do not believe he would be here. He likely dwells somewhere else."
Charmian bit her lip. "All I know is, it's a cave filled with fire." She fiddled her fingers. "Now I have no idea where to look. I really thought I'd find him through here. How do I find him now?"
Yellow Turtle looked thoughtful. "I would suggest that you follow his trail the best you can, until it goes cold. Then, perhaps you can pick up which direction he went in."
"Follow his trail--?"
He nodded. "Down the Spirit Road."
Charmian's face blanched. "The--the Spirit Road--?" she cried, and all of the awful images that Stick-In-The-Dirt's description had raised in her popped up again, crowding in her head. "But--that's only for dead people!" she cried. "I'm not dead--not yet! And there's these monsters and traps and things--how would I ever make it down something like that--?" She wrapped her hands around her arms as if cold. "I don't want to DIE just yet!!"
Yellow Turtle gave her a somewhat exasperated smile and reached out to pull on something around her neck. "You do not have to die. You must only come close."
Charmian looked down in surprise to see that he was holding the cowrie shell she still wore. Her brow furrowed on looking at it, and she then looked up into his face.
"This--this was yours," she blurted out when he let it go. "Stick said you were supposed to be buried with it." She looked at the shell and bit her lip, enclosing it in her hand. "I...have this feeling like I should give it back to you now..."
He shook his head. "I would not have given it to you if I did not feel you deserved it." He gestured at the shell. "This is the Megis shell, given to us long ago, when the Midewiwin was first formed. This is the tie between our world and the Spirit Land. Anyone who enters the Midewiwin faces death by this shell, but they do not fully die. They come close, as they pass toward the Spirit Land, and return again. Do you know, there are some who enter the Medicine Lodge who are not seeking to become medicine men? They enter because they are ill and near death, and entering the Midewiwin makes them well again, and brings them back. They have all seen the Spirit Road."
"But I'm not a Mide," Charmian protested.
He smiled again, so much that he almost looked like his old self, and the resemblance startled her. "I think you misunderstood me," he said. "I did not prompt you to enter the Midewiwin to become one of them. I prompted you to enter, so that they might learn from you."
Charmian gawked and started sputtering. "But--me?--I don't know anything!! I--"
"Sometimes it is not what you know but what you can do," he said. "Many people know lots of things. But I doubt there is one person in that lodge who can do many of the things you can. I could tell when you first came to the Island that you were different from most. The same as with the trapper--he was not like most who have come before or since. When the Island talked to me, it told me how it had accepted him because of not only what he knows, but what he does and what he feels. The Island told me the same thing about you."
"I think the Island's been pulling your leg," Charmian mumbled.
Yellow Turtle laughed. "Maybe so, but not on this occasion. See it like this, then--I have yet to see another one of the Mide talk to the manitous as you do, or face down the demon, or control the wind and the water and fire as you do. There are wabanos who can only dream of the things you have done. You could teach the Mide many things, if they would only listen to you. I knew they probably would not unless I gave you that Megis shell to see for themselves." He pointed at it again. "And I feel there are things you could learn from them, as well, if they would see fit to teach you. They do not normally take on such young people as yourself. Silver Eagle Feather is the only one I have ever known personally, and even she they nearly turned down--it was only because they feared offending her father that they did not!" And he laughed again.
Charmian fiddled with the shell as she had a hundred times before. "But--they haven't initiated me yet. I...I told them to...well...hold off, until the timing was better." Her face flushed. "Sorry if that was the wrong thing to do," she said meekly.
His mouth twitched and he crossed his arms. "In all truth, you are also the only one I've ever heard of who spoke to the Mide on your own terms! No one turns down an initiation, or postpones it."
Charmian grimaced. "I'm sorry! But--I thought I'd be too distracted by--stuff!!"
He waved at her. "Do not worry about it so much--I think maybe that you did the right thing. And I do not think they will be too offended." He leaned forward to tap his finger against the cowrie shell. "Remember--you do not have to walk the entire Road. At least, I feel you will not have to. This Chakenapok sounds like a lost spirit, and they do not dwell in the Spirit Land. But perhaps the Road can show you where he has gone to."
Charmian frowned a little. "You talk as if the Road's a living thing..." She cut herself off and shook her head. "Never mind." She took hold of the little shell in her hand. "You're sure you don't want or need this...?"
Yellow Turtle shook his head. "That is yours now. Where we are, I have no need of it any longer." He looked up toward the sky, and Charmian followed suit, though she saw nothing but pale blue and small fluffy clouds drifting overhead. The breeze fanned over her, warm, and she rubbed her arms in their heavy coverings, thinking of how cold the Island was now. She sighed to herself.
"I think your friend is growing worried," Yellow Turtle said, and she glanced at him to see him nod behind her. She looked back at the hazy image of the tunnel beyond Scott's Cave, and saw that Thomas still hadn't moved. He sat beside her now, holding her hand; she blinked when she noticed the look on his face, and took a step or two toward the image, leaning forward as if to see better. Just when she was certain that her eyes must be playing tricks on her, Thomas reached up one hand to wipe at his own eyes, and she sucked in a breath.
He's...crying?
Her own vision went blurry then, and she turned back to look at Yellow Turtle.
He gestured at the image. "All you have to do is step through, and your spirit will return. Use your hand to take you through."
Charmian looked down at the spiderweb etched on her hand, tilting it from left to right. She bit her lip.
Yellow Turtle stared at her for a moment, then smiled and said, "Your grandmother was wise to get you such a gift. She knows how much you love the Island, and is happy for you."
Charmian's head jerked up and her eyes widened. "She's...she's here--?" she blurted out, voice cracking, her heart starting to thud hard.
Yellow Turtle tilted his head to the side. "Everyone comes here, eventually. Even you." His smile returned. "For some reason I feel you will have nothing to fear from the Spirit Road."
Charmian stepped toward him, wringing her hands. "Can I--can I see her?" she begged. "Just to say hi? Just to let her know how I am--? I didn't get to thank her enough, for the dreamcatcher--I didn't know what it could do. Please...?"
Yellow Turtle's smile faded, and she felt her heart sinking when he shook his head. "It is not the time," he said softly. "You were not meant even to see me, as it is."
Charmian's stare shifted to the ground and she shrank in on herself. "I...I guess I understand," she murmured in disappointment. She had to reach up to rub at her eyes. "Rules and everything." She lifted her head meekly. "Can...can you at least give her a message for me? Let her know how I am? And tell her thank you? I wouldn't be here if not for her. I don't want her to worry about me..."
Yellow Turtle's smile returned at that. "She is your grandmother, and will always worry about you," he said. "But she already knows. How you are, and how you feel. She's always known. I will tell her what you said, just because. Though you'll be able to tell her yourself, someday."
Charmian felt her heart start to thud harder again. "I'll see her again--?" When he nodded she added, "Soon?"
His smile grew into a wide grin. "Hopefully not," he said. "Though that's not necessarily a bad thing."
Charmian hesitated a moment before approaching and hugging him again. The tears spilled out of her eyes, but she didn't care. He touched the top of her head as she finally reached up to rub them away, sniffling, and took a step back to look up at him. She hadn't really noticed before, but he had two of the kindest eyes she'd ever seen, and aside from the difference in color, they reminded her much of her grandmother's eyes. This thought made her own eyes water again, and she started stepping backwards toward the hazy vision of the tunnel.
"You'll tell Patches hi too, right?" she called out.
Yellow Turtle nodded. "And Goldie."
Charmian's eyes grew. "My fish is here, too--?"
He laughed. "You think fish don't enter the Spirit Land? This place is full of them." He waved her toward the hazy image. "Go ahead! I will tell all of them. Although as I said, they already know."
Charmian's face cracked in a teary smile and she waved at him. "Thanks, Yellow Turtle! I'll tell Stick-In-The-Dirt that you made it." She put her left hand behind her and felt a sort of cold hardness, and knew that the opposite side of the cave wall stood just behind her. She opened her mouth to tell him goodbye, but for some reason, no words came. She chewed on her lip, trying to think of what to say.
Yellow Turtle only smiled once more and waved. "There are no goodbyes," he said. "Just another parting of ways."
Charmian's eyes flooded anew and she hastily waved at him before she could lose her resolve. She couldn't even see him anymore by the time she touched her right hand to the cold surface, but before she could find out whether it was just her eyesight, or if he had really gone, she turned away, biting off a sob, and plunged forward in the direction of the vision, right hand ahead of her. She felt it meet stone before it pressed through, and a second later icy coldness surrounded her on all sides; the warm light of the Spirit Land faded away, darkness taking its place, and Charmian felt a dull throbbing start in her head as she sank slowly to the ground.
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